Blog #56 Spiraling Down the Drain

Posted on : 16-05-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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If you’re not someone who has ever experience depression or at least been down in the dumps for a period of time that left a shadow in your memory, than this post may not be for you. This post is for those people travelling through life who have sometimes experienced the hiccup of depression.

The thing about committing to blogging every day for a 100 days or more is that before long, the darker parts of your spirit are going to show up for an airing and for sure if you experience depression. For a long time today, I felt not so much as depressed but melancholy and for someone like me who has spent years cleaning out the cobwebs of my mind and heart and finding just the right elixir to ward of full blown depression—it takes effort to remind yourself that “this too shall pass”. Additionally, I fought off a bout of that ever not helpful self-judgement and began comparing myself to some of my friends and pretty much suffered keyboard paralysis for much of the day.

Until it dawned on me that perhaps the sharing of my experience, strength and hope around depression might be helpful to someone out there who is feeling the same way. I learned a long time ago that for someone who can get as down as I can, drinking was not a good companion (and I for sure was not a good companion with that combo!). Years later I further discovered that trying to find any kind of an out by throwing something at it like food or acting out etc. wasn’t going to help matters either. Yep, today I sometimes feel like I’m some kind of a monk-in-training, what with my being sober and flour/sugar free and no caffeine. Yet, I got to tell you that most days I feel better physically, emotionally and spiritually than I ever felt doing all the stuff that I used to do to self-medicate and I can guarantee you that I sure feel better in the morning!

Today when I could feel myself dipping, I did those things I know to do to take care of myself that have helped me in the past. I went for a long meditative walk with the dogs (and watched the crazy woodpecker flying from telephone pole to telephone pole and telling everyone about it!), I ate a good breakfast, I took a nap and I made quick check-in phone call with a couple of friends. Just goes to show that even with all the therapy and spiritual spelunking that I’ve done in my life, I can still walk that tight rope with the negative voice in my head and almost believe that I have always felt as lousy as I did today and that I always will. Luckily, I have experience and history on my side so I know that premise isn’t true. One remedy is to incorporate some NLP into my thought process and have a conversation with that negative voice and stop it in mid rant. It’s sometimes hard for the drama queen who lives inside of me to give up throwing a humongous pity party, but I think she knows that someone like me can’t afford one.

Sure enough, around 3pm or so the brain drain began to lift. I’m glad that I was able to hang in there today and allow for the feelings to come and go. I remember when I was recruiting/managing a small technical consulting firm how many times over the years my team and I were called to help consultants who were battling depression or alcoholism, we even had a few suicides as well. The reason I’m sharing this with you is to let you know that if this has ever been an issue for you, or someone close to you that you are not alone. Many of us have at some time in our lives and some more than others.

Today I will do whatever it takes to feel healthy and happy and ready to take on life. The difference from what I do now to make that happen vs. what I did then is that today I don’t run from it, I acknowledge whatever is going on and get out my trusty kit of spiritual and emotional tools to find just the right one to help with my off kilter running motor.

I don’t know why this quote from St. Julian of Norwich makes me feel so calm (because when I’m in a dark place, I have low tolerance to all things that sound Julie Andrew-ish) but it does work and the quote is:

“All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well”.

May you be well.