DINK #162 Caught Between Being Too Old To Understand Kids And Too Young Feeling Not to Understand Them!

Posted on : 30-08-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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Sometimes I wonder how I ended up being the age that I am and not a mother (at least not a mother of the two-legged kind (we do have 2 dogs and 3 cats). Luckily, I do have three nieces (16, 13, 11) and a nephew (14) and they are all great kids. Still though, sometimes I feel like I’m caught between being too old to understand kids and too young (thinking at least) not to understand them.

Right now two of my nieces are creating Avatars for their SIMS games. They’ve spent about an hour and a half doing everything from creating their faces (heard a lot of comments about how nice Daniela’s “mom’s nose looked) and now they’re figuring out where their families will live. Every once in a while I hear some Japanese words spoken by the characters when they meet up and I can understand maybe one in twenty words (aso deska). I have no idea how the games are played but they do sound like fun from what my nieces have tried to tell me about them.

My little brother and sis-in-law came by to meet the girls tonight upon our return back from the beach and I was immediately aware of how my (considerably younger than me) SIL is so good at interacting with kids. She’s fun!! And has great energy to boot. I never stop to think about not having kids around all the time until the girls come to visit and then I realize what we don’t have. It’s nice to have them hanging around (except for when they’re fighting, then not so much). It’s also interesting to observe my brother’s kids’ behavior and my brother-in-law’s kids’ behavior…very different yet the same in many instances. One set have always had a mom and dad who love and respect each other and the other set have two homes with parents who love them very much but not each other. My hat is off to my brother-in-law who has made it a point to be very active in his girls’ lives and just bought a new home about five minutes away from them.

When I was little, I was infatuated with the idea of having six children, like my friend Jeanette from sixth grade who came from a large Catholic family. Then I grew up and didn’t get married until later in life which may be one of the reasons that the window for creating offspring shut fairly quickly (that and all the repercussions from my rather rambunctious youth!). I’m not sure what kind of a mom I would have made to humans (I seem to do quite well with the four-legged variety) but I’m starting to see that being a mother would be another awareness and acceptance of who I am. Sometimes I’m crazy fun and can stay in the ocean for literally hours and hours boogie boarding and other times I can sit quietly reading and just hanging.

What I know for sure (thanks O) is that I do not want to grow old and stiff in my ways and thinking. I hope that I can always be a fun aunt and also an aunt that my nieces and nephew know they can come to with various questions which I will definitely listen to intently while helping them to sort things out.

As Joni Mitchell sings, “we’re all just aging children”.

#101 Impressions About Life From a DINK

Posted on : 30-06-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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How about if for my next 265 blogs, I call them “Impressions About Life from a DINK (dual income no kids)”? I’m on the tail end of the Baby Boomer but DINK better describes me and our lives for purposes of understanding where I’m coming from.

It is truly the most bizarre thing to be old enough that some of my peers are not only parents but now a few of them are, gulp, grandparents as well. Because my husband and I never had children, it is quite easy for us to ease into a “Peter Pan” syndrome about life. Oh we have a mortgage and I’ve gone back to school so we’re paying a college tuition but it’s very easy to get caught up in our world of work and friends and forget that we’ve already lived a good chunk of life.

I’m very, very grateful for our health. It felt good to return to yoga, albeit at beginner’s yoga class and to be recognized for being so flexible. Really, I’m not that flexible compared to other yogis who have been practicing as long as I have, but compared to many people my age I suppose I am pretty darn flexible. I’m grateful that today I can do that squat that some Eastern Indians do when eating or hanging out and find it very relaxing. Especially when I’m filling up the fish pond with water. I love to do the Indian squat and watch the fish come up to play in the currents from the hose. Fish eye level as I like to say.

So now what? What do we do with ourselves when we’re the ones clearing the paths for others? I don’t think many groups of people have aged quite as well as my group (well, except for pretty much my entire family but I’m beginning to think that perhaps we did come here from another planet….). I have several close friends in their sixties who are in amazingly good health and just now seem to be figuring out what is really important about life and how to enjoy themselves. I’m grateful for their wisdom and their jubilant attitude towards life. There is a Coach I know named Sherry Lowery who used to be a therapist who talks a whole lot about cross generational communication happening now between all the various generations. I’d like to think that we Baby Boomers have seeded the path for that to happen because most of us are curious and interested in life and so we strike up friendships with souls who are humans who come in all forms and fashions.

It really humbled me to hang out with my friend Vickie in her new apartment in the Retirement community. I’ve coached someone who has talked about creating a community for aging creatives (musicians and artists) and I sure hope she will see that dream out. I think Carole King has something along those lines in Idaho (though I haven’t googled it yet). I think there are more than a few pods of us people who are ganky (Japanese term for full of energy) enough to keep going for a long time…heck, some of us are just getting started. These are the people I want to be in community with but not only them, I also want my younger friends in with us as well. Maybe I’m talking about Utopia or Shangri La. I just know that I am motivated to creating a different kind of ending for myself. Both my parents are doing really well in their mid 70s living on their own and kicking about their lives. That’s how I plan to be too. But….for those of us who may have unforeseen occurrences in their lives, it sure would be nice to have some good alternatives to consider rather than being shuffled off to a quiet room somewhere to end your days smelling macaroni and cheese and urine.

Now I’m off to read a little bit out of four books I have going on (one written by Steven Fogle “My Mind is Not Always My Friend) who I’m interviewing on BTR, Tuesday, June 29) and love on my cats and dogs and husband.

What are your thoughts about getting older?