DINK #177 Unhook Yourself From The Future

Posted on : 13-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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Principle #2 Unhook Yourself From the Future: Attraction works in the present not in the future (from Thomas J. Leonard’s’ 28 Attraction Principles).  You could also add, “unhook yourself from the past, attraction works in the present….” not to be confused with Principle #27 which is: Have a Vision: When you can see what’s coming you don’t need to create a future”. Basically all this to say that the present is where it’s at!

I know that I used to spend a good portion of my days either staring off into space thinking about the future “what if” or looking back at the past “if only” and not a whole bunch of time was spent in the present because the present was just too dang painful.  Then when I got into therapy, I was able to talk about my feelings and look into the genesis of those feelings from my past that were zip filed and stuck on top of my feelings in the present.  Until I learned how to feel my feelings and let them find their place, I was not able to feel anything at all. Just too dang painful.  I spent an entire summer after my freshman year in college smoking as much weed as I could get my hands on so that I wouldn’t have to feel anything.  All I ended up doing was creating more problems and stress from inaction and/or poor choices and then compounding more difficult feelings on top of other difficult feelings. Yeeee gads!! Calgon take me away!

I’m so grateful today that I am able to be in the present (as best as I can) and enjoy my life as it unfolds.  There’s pretty much nothing extra curricular that I am feeding my brain that would prevent it from being in the now.  I go to three 12-step meetings a week, sponsor people, have a sponsor, stay connected, do what I know to do to help me be sane and take time out to have a conversation with the Divine each day.  So the tiny little things that these actions enable me to do today include being able to listen to one of my brothers (who I dearly love) admonish me for not being more careful about what I post on FB. Instead of jumping down his throat in rabid defense (which, believe me, I so would have done before in my life) I was able to listen to him, wonder where he was coming from and take into consideration what his intention was for telling me his perspective. Wow.  I didn’t earn a million bucks but I sure felt like I had won some inner battle that I’d become tired of fighting for years.

The having a vision part is important but people like me have to be careful because I could so fly right into the future and only have my body left in the present.  Because I’m someone who pretty much has to hear, see and do to learn anything, I didn’t really grasp how I could have a vision and remain in the present until I trained for a marathon.  Pretty much the only thing that got me through those hard long runs (when we ran 15 miles and longer on the weekends) was having a vision of being at the finish line.  I was still in the present, my body sure wouldn’t let me forget that, but I was able to have a vision that could pull me through.  Then when I finally did get to the finish line, it always felt so good.  If not mentally or emotionally, certainly physically!

There are all these tools that I’ve picked up along the way to help me get to where I am today and I am so grateful for them all but if I had to pick the top ones that have been the most helpful, I would have to say that “Being Present in the Present” has got to be one of the main ones.  Really being able to show up for your life is a wonderful thing. So many of us don’t or haven’t and many of us don’t even have a clue as to what we’re missing. I know I sure didn’t. Couldn’t imagine why those crazy people who wanted to be in the present could possibly desire that! Yuck, for one thing, when I tip toed up to the pain I was harboring and yuck yuck to staying there because the present just seemed way too b o r i n g!!!  I wanted to embellish the past or decorate up my future!

Give yourself the present of the present. And if the present just seems really hard, painful, boring (add your own word here) then whatever feelings are coming up are your first teachers and there are all kinds of classrooms available in all kinds of places to unravel their mystery so that you can learn what they are trying to teach you.

Be wiling to be.  Be open to learning and enjoy being present.

DINK #175 Get An Impressive Life, Not Just An Impressive Lifestyle

Posted on : 11-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized



In continuing the conversation about Thomas J. Leonard’s 28 Attraction Principles, the one that popped out at me this evening is  #9 is “Get a Fulfilling Life, Not Just an Impressive Lifestyle:  A great life is attractive; a lifestyle is usually seductive.  We all sure could have used this a few years ago don’t you think?  Now, it’s all many of us can do to keep a roof over our heard, food in our belly and clothes on our back.  Even so, believe it or not, there are still many of us running around out here trying to look really good for—I really don’t know whose benefit???

So what does getting a fulfilling life mean? I think it means what you probably think it means which is to really get in there and have a fulfilling marriage, parentage, friendship, volunteer life and really exercise those wings that are hidden in your back and let yourself out to fly with all those talents and gifts that only you have. Or at least only you have the expression of that however it is that you express your talents.

What does an impressive lifestyle mean? Well I’m really jaded when it comes to the whole impressive lifestyle thing because I’m always looking for the little man behind the curtain (reference to the Wizard of Oz).  I can’t believe I’ve actually changed, grown, become the kind of person that is more ecstatic that my car is ten years old, has over 145K miles on it and still has great pick up and go rather than having a new shiny one sitting in my drive way. Well, okay, if you wanted to give me a new car–I certainly wouldn’t not let you do so…but it’s more important to me today to spend and save my money elsewhere rather than to take my budget right to the edge of reason just so that I can drive a spectacular car.

And still I hear about people, like the neighbors of some of our good friends, who have a gorgeous, expansive house with a huge Travel Bus just sitting in its special garage because at one time, not so long ago, they had wanted to travel with it back and forth to their ranch a few hours a way and back again.  It turned out that it was less arduous for them to fly in a jet rather than trek in their bus so now it sits and collects dust.  I don’t know that their intention was to get the bus to show that they have an impressive lifestyle, but so far from what I’ve heard and seen about their life, I’m not impressed.   I hope if I ever have an overflow of money from my reserves that I use that money similarly to how some good friends of ours use theirs.  They do live in a nice home and travel to lovely places but they are also very active in the community in many ways and help people out all of the time in mostly anonymous ways.  Their priorities are in the right place; they come from their hearts.  Now their lives, I’m attracted to because I see all the good that they are able to do from others out of the overflow of reserves that they have in their lives.

One last thought, in case you didn’t know this about me already:  I love a beautiful car.  I love a purring motor, elegant handling, beautiful craftsmanship, gorgeous color and a fantastic sound system.  But do you know after all these many years and many beautiful cars that I’ve seen the one car that sticks out in my mind above so many is my best friend from college’s Datsun B-210.  She is a little girl, 5′ 2” maybe 100 pounds and that car was just the perfect car for her, small and compact and powerful. It was also painted a light blue with white and had one red door. I think one of her brothers had repaired it when they bought it because it had been in some kind of a fender bender. Anyway, we used to have an absolute blast in that car getting all dolled up and driving from our university town to the big city about an hour or so away. We’d pull up to the best most incredible restaurant or bar in that little car reeking of cigarettes, because my friend was a big smoker, but we were both dressed to the nines and dared to have it valet parked.  I never thought twice about being embarrassed when guys would walk us back out to our car and see our golden chariot.   Actually, I think most guys became even more intrigued that we were driving that car with a really incredible engine.

Point of the story is that we were more involved in having a great life rather than a great lifestyle and I have many, many fantastic memories because of it and none that will be captured digitally I can assure you!

May the B-210 spirit of life grab you and help you to have an impressive life!

DINK #172 See How Perfect The Present Is….Especially When It Is Clearly Not

Posted on : 08-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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In looking back over Thomas Leonard’s 28 Principles of Attraction, I zeroed in on attraction #21 because it is such a good reminder for me to remember that there is something bigger than me out there at the helm of this universe…and that something has a pretty dastardly sense of humor at times as well.

Tonight my beloved and I were invited to a friend of some good friends of ours 60th birthday party celebration.  David and I are younger than most of the group, but we still enjoy joining everyone for fun and frolicking.  What was especially perfectly imperfect about tonight and this particular event is that most of the people at the party, of course, drink but many of them also imbibe in the wacky tobacco and all kind of versions therein.  And to think that just this morning I had picked up a gold chip for 20 years of back-to-back abstinence with a good friend of mine who also celebrated 20 years as well. In fact, during the party I could feel that gold chip rolling around in my purse as David and I flitted from place to place to find somewhere located out of the smoke!

For me, seeing how perfect the present is, especially when it is clearly not helps me to realign myself with what I believe is important in my life.  Even with the 20 years, the co-dependent part of me wondered what it would be like to have a specialized brownie.   People seemed to be having so much fun.  But then, as my love and I reminisced about how we were when we used to do that kind of stuff all the time, we quickly realized that if we’d been imbibing like the rest of the party goers, both of us would have ended up alone on a coach somewhere staring at our feet and not participating much in all that was going on around us.

We departed after a good two-hour period and left with enough light in the sky that we allowed us to enjoy a herd of deer by the roadside eating grass from heads bearing fuzzy antlers.  The kitties have been brought in for the evening and fed, water bowls have been changed and now we’re going to cuddle up and watch the next episode of Foley’s War from Netflix.  May not sound very exciting to some folks out there but sometimes excitement isn’t what my soul is yearning for sometimes what my soul is yearning for is just plain ole contentment.

I heard two women share horrific stories in the meeting this morning that would curl the hair on most people’s heads but in spite of it they were sober and hopeful.  I’m glad I have the memory of the soul-strength that each of these women exhibited today in the midst of the stark reality of what they were going through because it helped me to believe more clearly how important it is to see how perfect the present is, especially when it is clearly not.  And it soothed the side of me tonight that just for a little bit, felt different than the other people at the party.  I know that today I want to be able to see life on life’s terms and take on life on life’s terms when and however it happens.  And to be honest with myself, as much as I’d like to think of myself as being a groovy party animal who knows when enough is enough, I am neither!!

DINK #168 Endorse Your Worst Weakness

Posted on : 04-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Mind Fodder

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From Thomas Leonard’s (http://www.thomasleonard.com/) 28 Attraction Principles: Principle #17 “Endorse Your Worst Weakness: When you can accept and honor the worst parts of yourself, you are more accepting of others”.  That’s a mighty big sentence to swallow but if we take it in small bite size pieces, I think we can get it down okay.

First piece:  Endorse Your Worst Weakness.

So what does that mean anyway? Was Thomas saying for us to stand on our rooftops and shout for joy for all to hear that, for instance in my case, one of my worst weaknesses is that I am sensitive to the point that I will sometimes go out of my way to make sure someone else isn’t inconvenienced while completely inconviencing myself in the process just so that I can make someone happy or at least not make them sad, mad or disappointed?  Well knowing Thomas, he was probably coming from his 12 step knowledge around acceptance being the answer to all our problems.  Endorsement in this case means to accept fully who we are in all our glory bells and burrs and to be willing to open up our hands and admit our weakness and have the willingness to do learn what that weakness is about and make amends where appropriate.

Second piece:  When you can accept and honor the worst parts of yourself.

Sheesh.  Accept and honor the worst parts of myself? Oh geeze.  First I have to be willing to even SEE the worst parts of myself and then to accept them doesn’t mean I have to agree with them or even like them but only that I accept what they are as the reality as I understand it today.  Honor, for me, means to respect my foibles as a human being and probably even deeper than that it means to love, love, love myself in spite of myself.  For instance, I was really getting down on myself this week because I’d over booked and over committed to do so many things that my options were to either throw up my hands and give up, scream like a wild ninny or possibly disappoint someone (and myself) because I would have to un book and un commit from at least one or two things for sanity.  Honor in this instance is shimming really close to being a form of love.

Third piece:  you are more accepting of others.

Well isn’t that so? I mean haven’t you found that when you realize you are judging the hell out of someone else that when you look a bit closer that who you are really judging is yourself?  There’s a saying around the halls of recovery that says, “if you spot it, you got it”. So wouldn’t the converse be true? When we learn to accept and honor our worst weaknesses, then maybe, just maybe we will be more tolerant of others.

Endorse doesn’t mean to engrave it in stone.  Endorsing your worst weakness means to get behind yourself and trust the process of becoming a real person: mind, body and soul.

Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, put the oxygen mask on first and then you can really be there to give the love you have to give to someone else.