Today I am older, much older than the age my father was when he came to my graduation from boarding school.    In fact, it wasn’t until the last decade or two that I could even begin to understand what my parents were going through in their lives back when I was a nubile 18 year old. You know how it is when you’re that age…..there is nothing quite as important as being with the person you pine for—and for me it was about spending as little time as I could with the adults.

Boarding school had a deeper spin to it then partly because it was the first school that I had spent more than a year at since elementary school and mostly because I lived with my friends for three years.  You can imagine that we all went through a very tender part of our growing up years together.  And, for me, I totally focused on my peers and did not get very close to many of the adults although I certainly could have. When I tell my story in recovery meetings, I liken my boarding school experience to being similar to “Lord of the Flies”.  It was also a time period (mid-70’s) when we were able to get away with a lot even though the school was religious AND military for the boys. I returned to school years later to talk with the woman who had been the Dean of girls at the time (and who I adored) about how we could have gotten away with so much and she said that they just were very ignorant and naive about what was going on in the world back when we were kids.

Even with all the good and not so good memories, over the years as I’ve come to know myself and accept myself for who I am with all the bells and whistles, reunions have had a push pull effect on me.  I love seeing people who I haven’t seen in years and catching up with who they are now and how their lives have turned out but at the same time there are some that I have no interest in knowing at all.  I also feel quite a bit different from many of my friends from back then. I had no idea that they were so conservative and I was so independent!!  Who thought of politics back then? Certainly not me. I just followed what my father believed because I respected him so much.  Didn’t give it a second thought until I was out on my own.

And then there are the friends who I loved and still love but who are still in to heavy drinking and even some “partying” as they like to call it with other imbibing accessories.  Really?!?!  It’s a good reminder for me of where I’ve come from. After all, it was after our five year reunion when returned to the local liquor store to buy some supplies that the owner recognized me from when we used to sneak across town to purchase liquor. I’m sure they thought we were college kids back then.  I was the one who would egg all my friends on to go get something to drink before a dance at school or to  just “take one more”. There used to be a restaurant on the edge of town that made delicious homemade/natural comfort food and served really good beer in pitchers.  Somehow, I got away with getting the taxis to take us out there and back without turning us in.  It’s just today there is so many interesting things to learn about and ideas to explore that I want all my brain particles working as best I can.

Going back to high school reunions is a pull for me because as mixed a bag of nuts as we were back then, all those kids and teachers and adults were my “family” for three years of my life.   I have kept a few of my friends from back then in my life today because they are people who I want to know even if we hadn’t shared our high school years together.

But just like family, when we’re good solid adults way into our adulthood, we get to choose who we spend our time with because “time” is precious.  It’s an opportunity for us to accept who we are and also accept who everyone else is as well.   Luckily, I’m in a very good marriage so I certainly am not looking to get laid and I don’t drink or do drugs so I’m not looking to score.  I really like my life today, so I’m not looking for a fantasy weekend get-away.  I suppose one of the reasons I still want to go to my high school reunion is because I want to understand who I was back then and who everyone else was too. It’s a time to compare notes about our experiences to fill in the missing puzzle pieces. After all, someday I just may get that screenplay written about my life story!

How about you?  If you feel a pull to go to your high school reunion, why do you? What is that pull?