There are so many ways that you can apply the advice to stay in the game from literally staying in a game you’re playing, like softball/baseball, instead of giving up when things aren’t going your way to staying in the game of life, when right now many are effected by the economy and for people who live in Texas, we’re experiencing a really horrific drought as well as many days of 100+ degree heat.  For this blog though, I am referring to staying in the game of allowing the intimacy of a relationship (friend, lovers, spouses, family) to unfold.

Isn’t staying in the game of intimacy with each other really what “it” is all about anyway?

This morning I had a very interesting conversation with a mentor/friend about a subject that I hold close to my heart.  Almost from the very start of the conversation, my friend seemed to misunderstand where I was coming from and kept warning me to be careful in regards to what I was talking about which immediately put me on the defense.  We went back and forth this way for about ten minutes.  A very, very uncomfortable ten minutes.  After all, we’re both grownups and have done a lot of emotional/mental and spiritual work on ourselves so it was better to hang in there with each other and let the trust and safety of our eleven year friendship navigate us through the mine fields.  Somehow we got through to the edge of being very real about what was going on from my friend looking at how our conversation had unfolded and how I felt unsafe to share when really when someone gets on the defense as I had, what they’re really wanting is acknowledgment from the heart.  And we were both able to share honestly about how we grew up learning how to crawl up in our heads and think through something when we were afraid. God forbid we would ever allow ourselves to feel. I’d triggered fear in her.  By the end of the phone call we were both acknowledging each other and making amends.

There’s something very special about being willing (and able) to stay in the game in a situation like this when every corpuscle in your body may want to run to the farthest corners of the Earth.  Not only do you learn how to trust the person that you are in the game with, but you learn to trust yourself as well.

Imagine all kinds of boardrooms and offices which could hold the space for allowing people to stay in the game rather than figure out how to end the game so they can get the hell away from all that uncomfortable intimacy?  Much less marriages which could be richer, friendships sweeter, families united wherever people are in relationships with each other they can help each other grow by allowing for each person to be in process safely.  Process is messy, intimacy sometimes colors outside of the lines but it is possible to do both with your heart and head when you are receptive to it.

What game will you stay in today?