Running through houses and disrupting lives…..ain’t nuttin quite like dysfunction.  I would say that if we’re really honest, most families will have at least a smattering of it and many have a whole lot of it.  In fact, those that have a lot of it probably aren’t even aware of just how dysfunctional their family dynamics are because they’ve adapted and re-formed and transfigured and hidden for so many years that dysfunctional for them is the norm.

What has brought this topic of discussion up on this December eve 7 days before Christmas you might ask?  We just got through seeing the new Mark Wahlberg/Christian Slater/Amy Adams/Melissa Leo movie, “The Fighter” which is a true story about a fighter who came out of Lowell, MA and his very dysfunctional family.  What I appreciated about how this movie showed the depth of the dysfunction is that it showed the depth of love as well which is more real than most Hollywood movies portray dysfunction.  Usually the dysfunction in movies is seen as being all or nothing. In real life, the confusing aspect of dysfunction is that there’s a whole lot of bad mixed in with a whole lot of good so figuring out where to set boundaries and when to extricate yourself from a situation get’s really murky.

I’ve been in “recovery” from all kinds of addictions both mine as well as my loved ones for the past 23 years and one thing I know for sure is that the recovery from my crazy thinking and reacting and being has to begin with me.  That means I get to look at myself first and get right inside of my own head and heart with my perspective on things and people before I can ever point a finger at someone else.  Most of us then find that we’ve got enough to clean up in our own house that we don’t have time to cast stones at anyone else.  Looking at ourselves first doesn’t mean that we don’t use our heads about people and situations to figure out how to keep safe.  What it’s talking about is sometimes it is so much easier to sit and judge someone else about who they are, how they think and what they are doing with themselves then for us to ever take a look in the mirror first.

I wish I had known all of this many years ago when I would find myself in crazy situations and my immediate offense was a defense.  I know I did a lot of damage to myself and people I cared about because of it.  In many cases, I’ve been able to make amends for past behavior for which I am grateful but dang did I waste a lot of good time wreaking havoc!

For those of us who may be going into the Christmas week visiting family and friends, remember to clean your side of the street first before you begin taking someone’s inventory.  There are some really basic slogans that have been passed down through AA over the years that  I used to judge as being so trite when I first heard them but they sure can help you take a breath and pause before saying or doing something you’ll regret later on.

Some of my favorites are: Easy Does It, Let Go and Let God, Keep It Simple Sweetie and Think.

May you enjoy your holidays with much love and joy and remember to keep it simple.