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My grand lesson today and this week (nay, this month, perhaps even this year or admittedly even this lifetime!) has been the one about “Humility”.
In the 12-step study circle that I’m in we’re on AA’s Step 7 which is: “Humbly Ask Him To Remove Our Shortcomings.” Getting to the place of being humble enough to recognize and accept that we even have shortcomings can be a task for most of us much less to humbly ask the God of our understanding to remove them. One of our members shared a story that is from a book about the psychology of spirituality. A Psychologist who is not an alcoholic nor an addict was trying to understand how an alcoholic/addict looks/feels about themselves. One of the questions the Psychologist asked was, “so does an alcoholic think they are special or that they are a worm?” The reply was, “it is not that an alcoholic/addict thinks that they are are special or that they are a worm but rather the alcoholic/addict thinks that they are “a very special worm”.
Boy have I hit my knees today in humility. That freaking “Making Spaces” class has humbled me to places I never wanted to go to by simultaneously freaking out and not willing to walk through my fear of being less than perfect to get the lessons done on time or being able to admit that this class had me beat and to say, “uncle” while I still had time to drop it without it affecting my grade. I’m doing what I can now to find out exactly what my chances are for making a passing grade (gulp, goodbye 3.6 GPA) and finding out exactly what I have to accomplish between now and a week from now. Why is it that I sometimes have to wait till the very last tippy top drop of a second to admit that I am powerless and to ask for help? All I know is that I feel pretty surrendered tonight. And I know the most important thing that I can do is to stay vigilant and honest about what is my part and what is not my part in the outcome of this class and to never let myself slip into thinking or believing that I am “a very special worm”.
What is your understanding of the concept of humility? How do you see yourself today?
