It is one of my feverish hopes that when I share my stories of life, school, coaching, work and volunteering that there will be something somewhere that helps someone somehow.  For weeks now I have been in Origami hell and I’ve subjected all my readers to it along the way. Never fear, I’m beginning to see the light.  I’ve booked David to take a photo of my four perfectly made Origami people (except for their heads which someone else will have to make extra folds on to get it to the smaller size) for all to see.  It’s probably going to be like that scene from Annie Hall when Woody finally sees the perfect boyfriend that she had been talking about and said, “that’s it?! This is the boyfriend” or some such.  But really, here is the real gem that the Origami torture has given to me: the last straw that could be put into at least a couple of baskets that I’ve been carting around have been placed. That’s it; I’ve made it to the end of my rope. No more. And this is a good thing.

At school, I’ve made appointments to talk with Department heads and their trusted advisers about how I can fast track my way into combining the rest of the classes I need to complete my BA with a MSSW and I also want to see about earning a Masters in Communication.  I just need to pull all of my documents together so that I have the density of a proposal that academia is so fond of to support my query.  And as far as providing services and consultation for free, I’ve been stretching myself very thin in that area and plan to have at least a couple of discussions and boundaries set and requests for payment made.  There is a good part of my life that I gladly give my service for free in gratitude for that which I have been so freely given and I will continue to give that service. What I’m talking about is my tendency to so want to support someone in their dreams that I overlook my own reality and put aside my own needs to help them create and achieve their own dreams.  Somehow making the Origami people and the mini desks and chairs satiated that need in me to give, give, give and ask nothing in response. I’m done.  And thank G don’t you think?

Talking with my mom on the phone tonight she shared with me a technique that she learned in OT residency while working in the psych ward (this is my best recollection).  She had a very depressed patient one time that she couldn’t get much of a response from so she would have that patient do the same little thing over and over again asking her to improve whatever it is that she was doing until finally the patient responded with an outburst of anger which is what mom wanted because then she could work with the emotions and consciousness behind that.  Anyway, this feels like the same kind of situation I’ve been in (only I’m not depressed and school isn’t a psych ward) having to do a task over and over again because it just wasn’t quite right.

Finally, I reached the end of my rope.  I realized that I am never going to be able to make everything in this class perfectly and that whatever I turn in is most likely going to be critiqued in a way that tells me my work is lacking. And that’s okay.  This has been a really good way for me to keep going to that dry well over and over and over again until finally my insides all lined up to say, that is enough.  And now I can start taking more fruitful action steps.

I have a feeling that I’m going to sleep better tonight than I have in a very long time.  May the Origami situations in your life bring you to the end of all that you know and may you see the rainbow overhead.