Blog #52 L O S S

Posted on : 12-05-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized



Well, there you have it! Today turned out to be one of those days where every half hour or so you’re saying to yourself (or perhaps maybe a wee verbally) ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!

This morning began so wonderfully with the sun shining and the birds singing and so many butterflies flying that they really should be called a flock instead of a swarm. I meditated and thanked my higher power for a new day, I spoke with four people that I sponsor for fifteen minutes a piece, had breakfast, kissed my dogs, cats and husband good day and headed out the door. I got my first clue that something might be coming down the pike right after I left SB’s with my coffee for the day and was headed to a long-time, part time gig that I’ve had. Out of the blue, I felt awash with a really bad, nerve wracking sadness that went to the pit of my belly and then it was gone. I wondered what it was about, checked around inside of my heart to see if there was something I’d stepped over but couldn’t find anything so I continued on to my gig.

Thirty minutes later, I found myself in a phone call with a client who was twisted way out of sorts and I couldn’t figure out how to help them find peace. By the end of the day, I was ready to go home and hang it all up and hope for a better day tomorrow but learned that due to changes happening in the work place, the part time gig that I’ve had for over a year will soon be ending after this month. Finally, upon arriving home I learned that one of our neighbors had passed away unexpectedly earlier this morning.

I didn’t know our neighbor too well, but we had lived on the same street for over 14 years and we did check up on each other when things were going on in our neighborhood and I sure did love seeing the couple sitting in their rockers on the porch waving at us whenever we walked or drove by their corner. We visited with the husband this evening and he shared with us that they’d been married for 44 years and next week would have been their 45th wedding anniversary. I know they have family that will be coming in to care for their dad, but please do keep Robert in your prayers. Good people those two.

As far as my long-term part time gig, well, although it was a shock to learn that things were changing I also believe that God is doing for me what I could not do for myself. It’s time for me to stripe out there and do something that really fills me up. I am opening up my coaching to accept some new clients and I am also exploring what I can do in terms of writing, interviewing and advising. What I don’t want to do now is to crash head long into depression like I would have done in the past. It’s amazing how in my past when things happened around me (and to me) in my life I would take them so personally and become really selfishly absorbed within myself. Today, I know that I don’t have to do that.

There would have been a time not too long ago that if any one of the things that happened to me today had occurred it would have been a fabulous reason to go tear into the night, but I know I don’t have to do that now. Instead, I knew that all I was having were feelings and that these too would pass. Now, I must confess that upon coming home and listening to the voice mail from my neighbor I did ask a rather loud question of God, but I was also able to let the feelings come in and know that all would be okay. In fact, my husband and I took a walk around the block, stopping by to pay Robert our condolences. We seem to do some of our best talking and bonding when we’re walking—even if I did have to trade sides twice because our hands were getting too sweaty from holding each other too long!

I’m grateful for many things today. I’m grateful for all the sponsees that I got to talk to this morning and for a friend that I got to talk to while waiting for my SB to brew. I’m grateful for my husband and my an-i-mules. I’m grateful for my health and all the good friends and family that I have (like you!). I’m grateful that even when that client was bitching me out, I was able to feel compassion for her in the moment and know that something really rotten must of happened in her world that had nothing to do with me. I’m grateful that my higher power is giving me the opportunity to s t r e t c h and find something that I can do with the talents I have that will bring in more income and allow me to continue with school. And I’m grateful that our dear sweet neighbor, Robert, told us that Shirley was the love of his life.

Gratitude helps us to keep it all in perspective. Loss is just a change in our schedule and ways of looking at things so that we can see all the possibilities of life.

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