NEXT112 Are You Fulfilled Or Just Feeling Satisfied?

Posted on : 03-12-2011 | By : Lynn | In : Mind Fodder

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Thomas Leonard, Founder of CoachU (along with many others), Coachville  and many things Coaching….created a “distinctionary” (can be found at Coachville.com) that takes a look at two similar words and explores them to find which one goes a little deeper for a richer experience.

Here is the one for Fulfillment vs. Satisfaction:
Satisfaction is the sensation that you feel when your needs are met. You’re satisfied; you’re satiated. Fulfillment, however, is the deeper, more soul-oriented feeling that one experiences when they are expressing their values, as in being themselves. When an artist is creating, they often experience fulfillment in their work. However, when the artist is getting appreciation, which perhaps may be a need, they’re going to feel satisfied but not fulfilled. Both are good, but fulfillment is a richer experience.

I realized when I was talking with my mentor on Friday morning listing the top things that I’m putting my attention to (trust me, you don’t want me to list them here because it might make your head spin how much I do….) and I knew that blogging was something that I never want to give up.  It gives me such a sense of fulfillment to blog because it’s a way for me to help you readers feel connected and if not understood completely at least that someone is hopping up beside you to let you know you matter  (or hey I’m good for a laugh or two sometimes at least!).  In spite of the fact that I don’t get paid  to blog, I have to write to get the ideas and feelings out of my head and on to the page or the ideas will just keep piling into my brain taking up space.

When we looked at my blog talk radio show (www.blogtalkradio.com/hope42day)  I realized that most of the time I feel satisfied doing a show but I don’t always feel fulfilled.  Now I’m not quite sure why that is except I think it may have something to do with allowing other people to give their opinion to me about how I could ramp my show up to the “next level” (e.g. weekly shows) or solicit corporate sponsorship that would allow me to have some paid help etc.  That all ends up feeling like a full-time job to me pretty quickly, not that I wouldn’t want to have a radio show that I could get paid to do full-time but I’m pretty realistic when it comes to this and know that I’d be getting paid part-time to do an over-time job.  Not too sure that is something I’m interesting in doing.  For right now, I’m okay with just feeling satisfied with my show as it is on my own time schedule.

I think fulfillment is something that comes from deep inside of us and so, for me, it’s got a spiritual nature as well.  It’s kind of like when you do or say something nice for somebody and get filled with that all-over glow inside and out.  Who doesn’t want to feel that way? I sure love it?!?  Makes me want to keep on finding ways to be kind to others just to get that “soul-hit”.  Conversely, I feel satisfied after cleaning the house spotless.  I love nothing more than to clean every dust particle off of every surface and floor, organize things, neaten things up, add a spice or flair of decoration and then walk from room to room admiring my work.  That gives me a huge feeling of satisfaction but I definitely don’t feel fulfilled.

How about you?  What gives you a great inner sense of fulfillment?

 

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DINK #177 Unhook Yourself From The Future

Posted on : 13-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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Principle #2 Unhook Yourself From the Future: Attraction works in the present not in the future (from Thomas J. Leonard’s’ 28 Attraction Principles).  You could also add, “unhook yourself from the past, attraction works in the present….” not to be confused with Principle #27 which is: Have a Vision: When you can see what’s coming you don’t need to create a future”. Basically all this to say that the present is where it’s at!

I know that I used to spend a good portion of my days either staring off into space thinking about the future “what if” or looking back at the past “if only” and not a whole bunch of time was spent in the present because the present was just too dang painful.  Then when I got into therapy, I was able to talk about my feelings and look into the genesis of those feelings from my past that were zip filed and stuck on top of my feelings in the present.  Until I learned how to feel my feelings and let them find their place, I was not able to feel anything at all. Just too dang painful.  I spent an entire summer after my freshman year in college smoking as much weed as I could get my hands on so that I wouldn’t have to feel anything.  All I ended up doing was creating more problems and stress from inaction and/or poor choices and then compounding more difficult feelings on top of other difficult feelings. Yeeee gads!! Calgon take me away!

I’m so grateful today that I am able to be in the present (as best as I can) and enjoy my life as it unfolds.  There’s pretty much nothing extra curricular that I am feeding my brain that would prevent it from being in the now.  I go to three 12-step meetings a week, sponsor people, have a sponsor, stay connected, do what I know to do to help me be sane and take time out to have a conversation with the Divine each day.  So the tiny little things that these actions enable me to do today include being able to listen to one of my brothers (who I dearly love) admonish me for not being more careful about what I post on FB. Instead of jumping down his throat in rabid defense (which, believe me, I so would have done before in my life) I was able to listen to him, wonder where he was coming from and take into consideration what his intention was for telling me his perspective. Wow.  I didn’t earn a million bucks but I sure felt like I had won some inner battle that I’d become tired of fighting for years.

The having a vision part is important but people like me have to be careful because I could so fly right into the future and only have my body left in the present.  Because I’m someone who pretty much has to hear, see and do to learn anything, I didn’t really grasp how I could have a vision and remain in the present until I trained for a marathon.  Pretty much the only thing that got me through those hard long runs (when we ran 15 miles and longer on the weekends) was having a vision of being at the finish line.  I was still in the present, my body sure wouldn’t let me forget that, but I was able to have a vision that could pull me through.  Then when I finally did get to the finish line, it always felt so good.  If not mentally or emotionally, certainly physically!

There are all these tools that I’ve picked up along the way to help me get to where I am today and I am so grateful for them all but if I had to pick the top ones that have been the most helpful, I would have to say that “Being Present in the Present” has got to be one of the main ones.  Really being able to show up for your life is a wonderful thing. So many of us don’t or haven’t and many of us don’t even have a clue as to what we’re missing. I know I sure didn’t. Couldn’t imagine why those crazy people who wanted to be in the present could possibly desire that! Yuck, for one thing, when I tip toed up to the pain I was harboring and yuck yuck to staying there because the present just seemed way too b o r i n g!!!  I wanted to embellish the past or decorate up my future!

Give yourself the present of the present. And if the present just seems really hard, painful, boring (add your own word here) then whatever feelings are coming up are your first teachers and there are all kinds of classrooms available in all kinds of places to unravel their mystery so that you can learn what they are trying to teach you.

Be wiling to be.  Be open to learning and enjoy being present.

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DINK #172 See How Perfect The Present Is….Especially When It Is Clearly Not

Posted on : 08-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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In looking back over Thomas Leonard’s 28 Principles of Attraction, I zeroed in on attraction #21 because it is such a good reminder for me to remember that there is something bigger than me out there at the helm of this universe…and that something has a pretty dastardly sense of humor at times as well.

Tonight my beloved and I were invited to a friend of some good friends of ours 60th birthday party celebration.  David and I are younger than most of the group, but we still enjoy joining everyone for fun and frolicking.  What was especially perfectly imperfect about tonight and this particular event is that most of the people at the party, of course, drink but many of them also imbibe in the wacky tobacco and all kind of versions therein.  And to think that just this morning I had picked up a gold chip for 20 years of back-to-back abstinence with a good friend of mine who also celebrated 20 years as well. In fact, during the party I could feel that gold chip rolling around in my purse as David and I flitted from place to place to find somewhere located out of the smoke!

For me, seeing how perfect the present is, especially when it is clearly not helps me to realign myself with what I believe is important in my life.  Even with the 20 years, the co-dependent part of me wondered what it would be like to have a specialized brownie.   People seemed to be having so much fun.  But then, as my love and I reminisced about how we were when we used to do that kind of stuff all the time, we quickly realized that if we’d been imbibing like the rest of the party goers, both of us would have ended up alone on a coach somewhere staring at our feet and not participating much in all that was going on around us.

We departed after a good two-hour period and left with enough light in the sky that we allowed us to enjoy a herd of deer by the roadside eating grass from heads bearing fuzzy antlers.  The kitties have been brought in for the evening and fed, water bowls have been changed and now we’re going to cuddle up and watch the next episode of Foley’s War from Netflix.  May not sound very exciting to some folks out there but sometimes excitement isn’t what my soul is yearning for sometimes what my soul is yearning for is just plain ole contentment.

I heard two women share horrific stories in the meeting this morning that would curl the hair on most people’s heads but in spite of it they were sober and hopeful.  I’m glad I have the memory of the soul-strength that each of these women exhibited today in the midst of the stark reality of what they were going through because it helped me to believe more clearly how important it is to see how perfect the present is, especially when it is clearly not.  And it soothed the side of me tonight that just for a little bit, felt different than the other people at the party.  I know that today I want to be able to see life on life’s terms and take on life on life’s terms when and however it happens.  And to be honest with myself, as much as I’d like to think of myself as being a groovy party animal who knows when enough is enough, I am neither!!

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DINK #168 Endorse Your Worst Weakness

Posted on : 04-09-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Mind Fodder

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From Thomas Leonard’s (http://www.thomasleonard.com/) 28 Attraction Principles: Principle #17 “Endorse Your Worst Weakness: When you can accept and honor the worst parts of yourself, you are more accepting of others”.  That’s a mighty big sentence to swallow but if we take it in small bite size pieces, I think we can get it down okay.

First piece:  Endorse Your Worst Weakness.

So what does that mean anyway? Was Thomas saying for us to stand on our rooftops and shout for joy for all to hear that, for instance in my case, one of my worst weaknesses is that I am sensitive to the point that I will sometimes go out of my way to make sure someone else isn’t inconvenienced while completely inconviencing myself in the process just so that I can make someone happy or at least not make them sad, mad or disappointed?  Well knowing Thomas, he was probably coming from his 12 step knowledge around acceptance being the answer to all our problems.  Endorsement in this case means to accept fully who we are in all our glory bells and burrs and to be willing to open up our hands and admit our weakness and have the willingness to do learn what that weakness is about and make amends where appropriate.

Second piece:  When you can accept and honor the worst parts of yourself.

Sheesh.  Accept and honor the worst parts of myself? Oh geeze.  First I have to be willing to even SEE the worst parts of myself and then to accept them doesn’t mean I have to agree with them or even like them but only that I accept what they are as the reality as I understand it today.  Honor, for me, means to respect my foibles as a human being and probably even deeper than that it means to love, love, love myself in spite of myself.  For instance, I was really getting down on myself this week because I’d over booked and over committed to do so many things that my options were to either throw up my hands and give up, scream like a wild ninny or possibly disappoint someone (and myself) because I would have to un book and un commit from at least one or two things for sanity.  Honor in this instance is shimming really close to being a form of love.

Third piece:  you are more accepting of others.

Well isn’t that so? I mean haven’t you found that when you realize you are judging the hell out of someone else that when you look a bit closer that who you are really judging is yourself?  There’s a saying around the halls of recovery that says, “if you spot it, you got it”. So wouldn’t the converse be true? When we learn to accept and honor our worst weaknesses, then maybe, just maybe we will be more tolerant of others.

Endorse doesn’t mean to engrave it in stone.  Endorsing your worst weakness means to get behind yourself and trust the process of becoming a real person: mind, body and soul.

Love yourself, love yourself, love yourself, put the oxygen mask on first and then you can really be there to give the love you have to give to someone else.

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