DINK #310 When Someone Finally Stops To Listen To You, What Do You Do?

Posted on : 24-02-2011 | By : Lynn | In : Communication

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You’ve just got to love us humans. We’re all running around using all kinds of tools and “geegads” (buttons, tools, technology, etc.) to communicate with each other but very rarely do we experience that wonderful moment when someone finally tops to listen to us.  When someone does finally stop to listen to you, what do you do?  As many of you know, for the past couple of months I’ve been talking with another coach four days a week for 20 minutes (sometimes creeping up to 30 minutes) a day.  We trade back and forth with what we’re working on but this all started as a way for my friend to jump start her coaching business after a hiatus while she helps me with mine.  Through our process we’re also taking notes about the passages we’re going through because, more than likely, we will have clients who will experience the same highs, lows, frustrations, coasting, flying and all the emotions and thoughts in between.

Our call today helped me to remember why I’m grateful for all the therapy, coaching, workshops, sessions and treatments I’ve had in my life up until now because when I spoke for a good ten minutes without interruptions I was able to get  to the truth of the matter of what was going on regarding how I want to be using my skills/talents/wisdom in the world.  My friend did a magnificent job of holding the space for me to vent out my thoughts and feelings til I got to the nugget.  I knew I’d gotten to the what was really going on with me when I felt like throwing up.  The real fear and feelings were all around it.  We’ve all known people who we have witnessed venting/processing who make us want to run for the exit as fast as we can. Sometimes we react that way because their strong feelings scare us and we don’t know what to do with their emotions much less our own.  Other times these people are energy suckers who just want our attention and energy as they go over the same story/racket/territory again and again and again. For cases like that, I realize that there are those who believe people who get stuck in a rut like that just need to keep venting until they get unstuck—but I’m sure not one of them!

What I got out of the experience of my friend generously giving me the space and room to verbally process what was in my head and heart, was the feeling of gratitude that someone had finally stopped to listen to me.  The only thing about being thoroughly listened to is that now I know I need to keep moving forward and I’ve exposed just a little bit more of myself with this friend by my honest sharing and by her listening so that my denial blanket has become less of a comfortable choice for avoiding action.  Additionally, I want to give this experience of stopping and really listening to someone, to another person.  It’s really a huge gift for both the receiver as well as the sender.

If there is any point of wisdom that I would like for you to take away from today’s blog it is for you to really think about what it is that you want to say, write, sing, dance, art, express to others and to keep fine tuning it and getting more precise and getting more focused until who you are stops other people in their tracks to listen to what you have to say.

DINK #157 Acting As If….

Posted on : 27-08-2010 | By : Lynn | In : Uncategorized

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When I was younger, okay I admit from embryo up through my thirties at least, I did not know who I really was nor what I believed in from my own free will. Oh sure, I had some definite preferences such as loving animals, deep belly laughs and swimming in the ocean but for things like what books I most enjoyed reading or music that really touched my heart—I pretty much relied on the people who lived outside of me (which, of course, is everyone!) to take my cues. So you know that if I couldn’t even tell you what was my favorite color then I surely couldn’t tell you what leader I favored and why I chose them.

Then after many years of deep belly button searching and spiritual exploration, I began to know more and more about myself. And what I began to know and, most of the time accept, was that in some groups I had a very, very different way of thinking and feeling about ideas, people, places and things. In looking back on my life, I can see that I’ve always been this way but I just hadn’t realized it. Maybe most of us are this way but often times we just don’t talk about it.

For me, I can see now that when I was in the process of coming around to what I believed and thought that because it was so different, I judged it that I must be wrong. I mean, if people who I respected in my life believed in ways of being that were so different from me, then I must not have a brain in my head. The problem must have been with me, right? Of course I see now that this was a pretty hard way to look at myself. Either- or, black or white, good or bad I could only see things in two ways. In some cases, there are only two ways to see something, I grant you that.

I feel grateful tonight because it feels like my family accepting my wish not to attend an event that they are all enjoying right now is a breakthrough for me and for them. It’s okay that they’ve gone on and that I’m sitting here back in my hotel room catching up on work and touching base with you guys. I enjoyed today very much hanging out with my brothers, etc. and I don’t feel like I have a big ole head of purple hair (not that there’s anything the matter with that if you do).

Acting as if we have a brain in our heads means investigating the meaning of truth for ourselves, accepting who we are and allowing others to be who they are so that maybe just maybe we can all learn how to get along with each other in our own special way.