Posted on : 27-02-2012 | By : Lynn | In : Communication
Tags: setting boundaries
Oy vey! I remember when one of my favorite therapists told me that you’ll know when you’re setting a good boundary because you’ll probably feel uncomfortable. I’d add to that that you’ll know when you’ve gotten to the end of your rope, when enough is just plain enough when noooooo (with a trail of o’s after the n) comes rolling off your tongue without too much time between the person asking you for a favor and your voice. No, is a complete sentence. You don’t have to justify your no.
Today I had the perfect NO situation come up when I was asked to do a “favor” for a relative of a good friend (now deceased). Although I am prone to feel like there is always something more that I can do for someone I care about, I knew with this particular person that I had gone above and beyond helping them by being there for their relative, my good friend, during the last year of her illness when they could not be there. I had also just worked through an exhaustive inventory of my resentments a week or two ago and had circled in on a vestige of my old self from years ago when I felt that “everyone owed me”…..so I’m very sensitive to those around me who may be coming from that particular place which this particular person has always seem to say and exhibit by her actions with others. I heard out her request and was able to respond immediately with no and then suggested to her some services that she could Google of professional people who could offer her services in our area.
What I was reminded of once again is that people who don’t have boundaries, don’t respect boundaries of others. Let me add to that. People without boundaries don’t even recognize that there is such a thing as boundaries so the responsibility of raising them or setting them when they cross one is left up to you.
Only YOU can prevent anger fires!