If I could give you one thing it would be to feel the absolute sublime peace of mind as I felt tonight when I laid back onto the still warm deck gaze up at the very last edges of light from the setting sun as the stars sparkled against an indigo sky.  I would want for you to look with the same wonder as I did at the black branches of the tree reaching out across the sky to point at the sliver of the new moon.  I would want for you to smell the very faint hope of moisture in the air with the promise of rains to come.

If I could give you one thing, it would be to feel the comfort of sitting in the swinging bench shaded by the Crepe Myrtle tree shielding me from the morning sun. I would want for you to notice the brrr brrr brrr breep sound that the hummingbirds make flying to and from and around their feeders conversing and claiming territory for their morning’s work.  I would want for you to watch with wonder as the flock of turkey vultures, who live in the tall trees lining the wet weather creek behind our house, take off one by one to circle up into the far, far, far distant sky.

If I could give you one thing, it would be the feeling of contentment that I feel when I look down at the floor below my chair when I’m writing and see my faithful dog  laying on his side to keep me company (as he waits patiently for me to finish so that I will give him his bedtime biscuit!).  I would want for you to know just how good my Black Labrador smells as I bend down to kiss her on the ear.  I would want for you to feel the peace and gratitude that I feel when the day is done.

If I could give you just one thing, it would be for you to experience you’re own special awareness of the world around you so that you too can discover all kinds of miracles that exist around you now.
If I could give you just one thing…..

setting sun

Why oh why are some of us born with this innate need to HAVE to write to have to get these ideas circling around in our minds, hearts and souls into words?  You’d think I would have remembered from last year how when I made the commitment to write 365 blogs in 365 days that with each passing day, I had to dig deeper and deeper to get to the vein of gold that had the flow of ideas into words.   I suppose the writing process can be like being pregnant and having a child when after a period of time, many of us can forget the uncomfortable stuff.

I wonder how our penchant for writing will morph as new technologies become de rigueur and reading tomes of writings becomes passe to the masses.  I’m pretty sure there will still be many of us who will  have to write.  I can’t remember which movie it was, but I do recall there was a character who had an illness that made them write tons of words and sentences and explanations all over the walls in their house.  I’m not quite to that point (yet), but I do feel better once the words are written somewhere.  And it’s amazing how that flow of words can become constipated when I HAVE to write them, like right now because I made an agreement with myself to blog 365 blogs in 365 days (and not quit a handful of days before 365 as before).  This is my writing marathon that I’m going to finish this time dagnabit!

Today was Day 1 for Author/Soul Writer/Teacher Janet Conner’s “Plug in for Writers“.  I’m already feeling inspired and supported just after this first class.  Janet had guest expert/writer Gail McMeekin join us to share her experience, strength and hope about her latest book, “The 12 Secrets of Highly Creative Women”.  Very inspiring and what I took away from the class tonight is that not only can we ask and receive support during our writing process but it’s probably a really good idea for us to pull those support systems around us until we do complete our writing intention/project.  Such a wonderfully female approach to solving an age old isolating situation—create with a community around you.

For the past few days, my Coach and I have been hitting some pretty deep pockets and shaking out the blanket of my comfort zone so that I’m having some of those gritchy feelings arise that I thought I had put to bed a long time ago. But, no, here they are again. Of course, taking a political science class in school this semester is just adding fuel to the fire for my beliefs, opinions and feelings of general helplessness I’m sure!  It’s so interesting to just have to experience these feelings and thoughts instead of being able to run away from them.  I keep thinking of one whole summer after my Freshman year in college years ago when I totally bombed out….I stayed high pretty much the entire time because I could not fathom how I was going to survive the tremendous shame and fear that I felt for totally blowing my first year of college.   I’m so glad I don’t have to live like that anymore, but I’m also grateful for the memory because that memory is pretty much the first one that my mind flicks to when I’m feeling aggravated at mankind as a whole and afraid of everything including my shadow.

By the way, my intention in sharing all of this with you is to let you in on my process so that if you happen to be a writer, or creative person or entrepreneur who gets freaked out when you walk right up to that stark naked part of yourself that is trembling in the dark, that everything is really going to be okay and it seems like most of us (if not all of us) go through this process. At some point, we will all be bumping up against ourselves. Unless, of course, you’re missing that gene in your DNA and then you’ve got a lot more issues than I’m equipped to relate to in this blog!

There ought to be a dance or a song that we can jump right into when we’re in this place so that we can remember to not take ourselves so freaking seriously, but I don’t know what it is.  Surely it’s at least good laugh with ourselves when we recognize that who and what we’ve been afraid of all this time is….well…..us!

Mirror Lake Reflection

Ever since January of this year, I’ve been speaking with a really good mentor/Coach/friend of mine Mon-Thur.  Before we began this coaching process (prompted from my new “Cut-to-the Chase” Coaching program) we were part of a group of four Coaches who met once a week every month every year for the past eleven years. Suffice it to say, we know each other pretty darn well and have been there for each other through all kinds of ups and downs in life.

Fortunately for me, my friend is willing to tempt my reaction to fear (defensiveness, abruptness, aloofness) to speak of the elephant in the middle of the room so that I can make informed choices rather than skirt around the elephant avoiding potential conflict as well as success.  As it also turns out, both my friend and I share a lot of traits to the point that I know if I’m seeing something in her that I want to jump in and make suggestions about that it’s probably something in me that I don’t want to look at. In other words, “if you spot it, you’ve got it”.

In my case, I think there’s probably a whole herd of elephants in the middle of the room and any recognition of in the smallest of them even  in the most benign  manner will start a stampede!  This herd represents all kinds of FEAR (false evidence appearing real) for me.   And all of that fear is tied like a spider web to money.  One of the bugs caught in my money web is the fear of rejection.  I will go to the farthest corners of the Earth to be completely isolated by myself rather than invite the possibility of rejection. Especially if that rejection is about the work or service I offer.  Of course you realize that this kind of reaction to the fear of rejection has also tampered with some very good experiences of acceptance and possibly even celebration.  I think it’s probably another facet of a control issue as well.  All this fear can also quickly become resentment after awhile if I steep in it long enough.

Elephant Herd

The ultimate resentment is of myself for severely limiting myself from what is possible.

It occurred to me today as my mentor and I embarked on the tango up to my fear of money and rejection and then fast on those heels, resentment that I could look at the fear differently this time.  I could look at it as an indicator to respond in an entirely different way (some know this as being counter intuitive) to the way that I “usually” would respond and see what happens.  What was it Einstein said?  “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius — and a lot of courage — to move in the opposite direction.”    I don’t know about a touch of genius in my case, but I think I can garner up a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

In what way are you willing to look at your fear differently?

Over the years much ado has been made about the groups of people we share our lives with and many books have been written with one of my favorites being “Tribes” by Seth Godin. I also like what Max DePree has to say about tribes in his book, “Leadership as an Art”.In the chapter, “Tribal Storytelling”, Max talks about “the penalty for failing to listen to (the tribal storytelling of your “tribe” or company) is to lose one’s history, one’s historical context, one’s binding values” and that “without the continuity brought by custom, any group of people will begin to forget who they are”.

We are really fortunate in our family to have several really good storytellers amongst us.  There are several stories that my parents will tell again and again of their growing up years (or of  my brothers and me) that I have never grown tired of hearing. Because we all live pretty far apart (except for one brother who is residing in Texas for a short while) when we get together the first thing we do is lapse into storytelling as a way to remind ourselves where we came from and what we share with each other.  There is one story I love of my brother when he was 9 and I was 11. My parents had been divorced for just a short while and my mom, brother and I had moved to a house out in the country.  It was the late sixties and so many things were changing fast. Dad was preparing to go to Viet Nam as a fighter pilot and mom was trying her wings at being a self-realized woman for the first time in her life.  One afternoon in particular, my mom, her friend and my brother and I along with our three shepherds were returning from the park.  My brother was sitting in the way back of our Buick station wagon (avocado green of course!) with the dogs. He was one of those skinny kids who was all feet, knees and elbows and because we both have huge heads with big brown eyes, all you could see amongst the flying fur of the dogs was his knobby knees and big blonde head.  At some point the song du jour came on, “I am woman” by Helen Reddy.  I think my brother had experienced just about enough changes in my mom with her wearing blue jean jackets instead of skirts and trying to smoke cigarettes (I say trying because she’s always been a health nut and she sure didn’t seem to know how to smoke a cigarette like the other adults!).  Anyway,  all of a sudden my brother belted out in his little soprano–cracking–alto voice, “I am man” where of course Helen sings, “I am woman” and we all cracked up laughing.  It was funny and poignant and marked a certain time of change in all our lives.

When I get together with friends who I many not have seen in a while, such as boarding school mates, we also swap stories of adventures and misadventures we experienced together way back when.  Everyone has moved all around the world, have families and different lives from that time but after a short time of telling stories we are reminded about the binding history that we share.  One group of friends who I’ve known for 20+ years always tells the story of the weekend the men who had gone away for a camping trip survived a huge tornado and how one of them took the time to cook up some bacon in the middle of all hell breaking lose.  Same with another group of close friends who my husband and I have traveled with and gone on many scuba diving adventures together.  Some of my favorite images conjured when swapping stories with that group is the one of all 9 of us renting mopeds to take a ride around the island of Cozumel.  We all felt so cool wearing our helmets and riding like the wind on our mopeds around the island.  We even had magical moments like when we stopped at Bob’s Marley Bar

Storytelling in song, dance and word

(before the hurricane that shredded it to pieces so that they rebuilt it) and they had exactly 9 hammocks for all of us to lounge in as we drank beer and listened to reggae.   Our friend Tony dubbed our group, “Antonio’s Angels” even though there were two other men in our outfit!! We still laugh at how much fun we had and how slick we all thought we were even though pretty much everyone who can afford transportation on the island drives a moped!

So next time you are with your tribe or one of the groups of people you would call a tribe, listen to what stories are being told and pay attention to the ones that are familiar.  There’s more being told then just a story.

Recently, I posted a comment about having had enough of the intensely hot and dry days we’ve been having for days on end in Texas and my friend Bob responded with, “I mean, there’s surrender and then there’s surrender”!!!!  And yet, I see the cardinals and other birds outside my window making the most of the precious water that I try to fill up some old dog bowls with so that they can drink and bathe.  I watched one bird this afternoon jump right into the middle of the smallest water bowl and swim back and forth and flutter her wings constantly—if birds could purr then this one was surely purring. Several of the little trees that David planted over the last two years are bright green from our frequent watering and somehow bearing the weight of the ferocious 107 degree heat.

I’ve experienced various forms of surrender in my life from surrendering to the fact that my parents were indeed getting a divorce and then surrendering to the fact that they would never get back together again.  Then there was the surrender and acceptance to the understanding that I process alcoholic refreshments and sugary foods much different than the average bear.  In all of these instances, surrender never came easy for me and acceptance only came after I was able to remove my last pinky finger muscle of control from whatever I did not want to accept as reality.  I suppose in a way I have surrendered to the fact that we’re in a record breaking drought and heat wave and most of the time I can accept it and then do what I can–such as watering the plants and animals.  But sometimes I do get caught in the grip of retaliation at what???  There’s really not a person or a group that I can direct my anger about the drought and heat at unless I wanted to believe some of the conspiracies I’ve heard out there such as a government entity is controlling/messing around with our weather. Even then, I still would be powerless over such a group.  I can’t really direct my anger at the sun because it’s just hanging out there being the sun like it has for millions of years now (I’d be like a tiny ant shaking her fist up at a huge magnifying glass). So what I end up bucking up against is that invisible invincible wall of denial of what is really going on.  Sometimes it’s easier just to crash on over to the side of unreality than it is to accept what “is”

Then again, I know that it is in times like this when our faces our being smashed up into a sheer wall of an overbearing reality that some incredible inventions, discoveries and ideas are created. When it seems like there is no way out then someone figures a way out that no one had ever considered or seen.  So were those people able to do so because they first accepted the reality of what was and then were able to back away from it to see what could be done about it or did they not surrender and give up?  I believe that it was after surrender and acceptance that other options could be seen and considered because the energy moves from being a push push push push push against something that you don’t care to understand or deal with into an energy of flow.

What about you?  What have you surrendered to lately?

Surrender

Turns out there are a lot of people who think they can talk with angels and do!!  One of those people, who I believe is the “real deal” is Angel Therapy Practitioner Margo Mastromarchi. Margo was certified as an ATP by another “real deal” Angel person that you may have heard of, Doreen Virtue Ph.D.  Now for some of you who read my blogs on a regular basis, I realize that the title of this blog containing the word “angel” may have told you that this one isn’t for you—-so this blog isn’t for you—it’s  for all the rest of us!

I interviewed Margo today on Blog Talk Radio’s Hope42Day which you can hear by clicking on the link of the show’s name.   I was introduced to Margo by our mutual friend best-selling author and soul writer/speaker/teacher Janet Conner.  Janet teaches great  teleclass series offering deep soul writing teachings and in one of these classes, Janet offered each of the student’s (as part of the class) an individual session with Margo Mastromarchi.  I’ve met a lot of people in my life who are at various levels of spiritual and energetic exploration but within the first five minutes of talking with Margo on the phone I could feel that she was authentic.  In fact, while interviewing her on Hope42Day, I felt like I had taken the proverbial blue and red pill and was floating about five feet off of the ground. Margo’s a Reikki practitioner as well.

One of the bits of wisdom that Margo shared is that we all have guardian angels who are here to help us. All of us do.  Some of us “hear” our angels in different ways.  She said that angels will repeat themselves and so if you notice yourself getting the same idea over and over again to sit with it and see how it feels to take one small step towards it.  Of course, you know that the dark side of my brain was saying, “oh this is nice, but what if that’s the obsessive compulsive side of my brain?!??!  huh Margo, what about that??!” Well, here is what I’ve figured out for myself.  I’ve gotten very quiet guidance before to drive in a certain direction or talk with a certain person and when heeded, that guidance has never led me wrong. I’ve also gotten very direct and abrupt guidance such as “look up!” when I’m looking at my phone and about to run off the road.  But I’ve also asked the angels to give me direction so they do all the time.  Margo says that because we humans operate under free will, the angels will not interfere with us unless asked.  When the manic part of my brain is operating the feeling is that “I’ve gotta gotta do something or gotta gotta say something”.  I know then that “ain’t no angel talking”–at least none that I’d care to entertain.

All I know is that I am a sucker for Divine love.  Even during the typing up of the show script, I felt the angels coming through and an incredible warm peace taking over. That warm peace feels to me like Divine love but so does a very high energy that feels it can vibrate the whole room around me if I let it.  There’s a difference between that kind of high vibrational energy and mania.  The core of it is grounded is the best way I know how to describe it.  When your manic there is an edge to it and a brittleness. When you are feeling energy from the Divine, it is a natural healing energy that fits right into your being….just bringing the volume up on your energy.

One of the reasons I chose to become a Life Coach was because I loved engaging that Divine energy into helping others connect with it.  I gave up the day in and day out corporate life because I was someone who could get so distracted by the illusion of importance we humans tend to make up about our careers/jobs and the work world in general.  I used to be so right there in the thick of it. Which isn’t a bad thing but it isn’t a good thing either. It just was an “is” thing for me that I had to pay attention to and heed the guidance I was being given to find other ways of contributing to the world where I could truly make a difference without harming myself and others in the process.  Having a highly competitive attribute in my personality when run strictly by my ego, it can become a harmful thing.  Thank goodness there are people in this world who can be of the world but not in the world and run companies, like my friend, best-selling author/speaker/leader and CEO of Idea Champions, Mitch Ditkoff.  Our world sure could use more leaders of Mitch’s nature.

Anyway, the message I’d like to leave with you is that if you want to talk with angels, you can.  You  can.  Just you, right now in the privacy of your own home, office, car.  Just ask.  And listen for what answers you receive. You just may be pleasantly surprised.

Angel Wings

Okay, I admit it.  I’ve been pulled down the “Mad Men” tunnel and am half-way through watching the second season.  Likewise, my husband and I are in the process of catching up on Showtime’s “Brotherhood“. The first one is set in the 50’s and 60’s and the latter is present time.  Although both shows have completely different premises, MM is of the world of Advertising and Media and BH is of the Irish underworld—Tony Soprano done green.  In both shows, everyone seems to have something to hide.  Some kind of secret behavior—affairs kept from wives and husbands or drug use—or keeping secret and withholding who they really are and what they really think.

Really?

I mean, I can understand society heading out of the 50’s going into the 60’s having a certain polish and persona that they’ve been building since WWII but it’s interesting to see the same kind of withholding done in the underground of today as well.

So where does that leave you and me?  Who are we hiding from?  What are we hiding from?  What is so damn important to keep under wraps that we would sell our souls to keep it private?  Really?  Does that make for a happy home life or a happy work life or a happy public life?  And when does it stop?  When do we get to finally be who we are and just relax and “be” ? The joke though is that many times, the very thing that we think we should keep hidden or quiet—someone “sees” or senses about us anyway.  In a lot of cases who we are is obvious to others around us.  Unless you’re a really good actor and if you are, I bet your surrounded by other really good actors as well.  Doesn’t sound like much of a fun life to me.  What is the pay off to you for hiding?

If you don’t get honest about who you are with anyone else but yourself right now, do that.  Get quiet and listen to what you have been trying to hear from yourself.  You just may be surprised at the outcome.

Saran Wrap Keeps Everything Fresh---Even You!

About seven years ago, I took the Winslow Assessment because I wanted to offer it to my coaching clients and my Coach at the time used your own personal assessment as part of the training for understanding and explaining  it to others.  One of the personality traits that stood out about me was that I had pretty much off the charts a need for recognition.  Just like “if you give a mouse a cookie” , having a high need for recognition can be a good thing or a negative thing depending on how it is perceived and handled.  Some of the wisdom that I received over the years from the wonderful Coaches who I have worked with includes the belief that we all have needs. Needs are not good or bad, they just “are”.  Much as a flower needs sunshine, soil, water and nutrients, we “need” certain things as well.  Then it was advised that when you recognize an unmet need, to come up with as many ways/times/conditions etc. as you can to get that need met. In other words, create a way to get your need saturated.  Coach Steve Straus likes to say that he believed that “needs can be permanently healed:”.  When I first heard Steve say that, I thought that sounded pretty off the wall but I respected him enough to hang with it to see if it was possible to permanently heal a need and I’ve come to believe that, at least some needs, can be permanently healed.

Some of what I did to get recognized in a healthy way was to write.  I’ve been writing and writing and writing since 2006 and in fact just began another 365 blogs in 365 days competition with myself.  I also have been hosting web radio shows, one that is defunct and one that has been going on for a few years now (www.blogtalkradio.com/hope42day) where i get to interview all kinds of people from all over the world who are up to good things that bring hope to us.  Slowly, ever so slowly I began to feel that need for recognition dissipate where I preferred to share recognition with others and in some cases reflect it to others completely.

Some of the gifts that come from healing that huge need for recognition (that probably got me into a lot of trouble in my youth!) is that I can take my kudos from all kinds of places and in all kinds of degrees today.  One of my favorite Starbuck’s Baristas and soon-to-be-radio-talent Herc Trevino, gave me some of the nicest compliments about some postings of mine the other day as I grabbed my java.  Absolutely made my week!  Another friend on LinkedIn voted my share as “Best of” for her Question which was a true honor that I really appreciated.  Did I need either of these to meet my need for recognition? No.  But I accept them gratefully and take in the generosity from which they were given with gratitude. Such a nice place to be in when receiving instead of being needy, needy, needy!! But I haven’t figured out yet how to get through the needy, needy, needy without finding a way to absolutely drench yourself with ways to get your needs met first so that when you are (I am) recognized, I’m able to receive and reciprocate the appreciation that has been extended because I have an overflowing cup to give from.

The grandfather of coaching, Thomas Leonard, used to tell us to get your needs fully met so that you can then give to others from your reserves. The idea being that you can give from your overflow gladly because there is plenty to go around.

What kudos/recognition/needs have you recognized today?

Accepting Kudos from Whence They Came!

Talking with one of my friends this morning she couldn’t believe that I had such an upbeat (almost manic, but not quite) attitude in spite of the record breaking drought and heat that we’ve been experiencing in Texas all summer.  I’ve lost count of how many days it’s been in triple digit heat but I’m pretty sure everyday is equivalent to the years in my age.  I think what helps me is that I believe that the Divine/Force/Mystery of all existence has a sense of humor.  Sometimes this sense of humor shows up as the underbelly of what one would usually consider funny such as the fact that many of us in Austin are siting more buzzards then ever. One of my friends posted yesterday that they had a flock of buzzards sitting on their roof and all that was missing was the skull and a scorpion.  I told him we could probably provide him with that rather quickly.

I have my buzzard sightings as well,  only the ones that hang out near our home are more active and happy.  This morning as the flock took off for flight, one buzzed down lower to get my dog’s attention before taking off to the great beyond.  You could almost hear his, “heh, heh, heh” as he startled the Paul-dog.  Look for the absurd in whatever situation is swimming around your ankles or whatever buzzards are breathing down your neck.  Laughter, even if it is silent from within, is a great dissipater of despair.  If nothing else, it can at least elevate  you to a fair playing field from which to base your decisions and responses to life.

The faint aroma of skunk still hangs around my dog even though when you sniff right close to him, you can’t pin point where the scent  is still coming from. He’s like Pig-Pen from the Snoopy Comics with eau de skunk following him around.  Perfect sniff and smell reminder for me not to take myself too seriously as I prepare to meet with a very prestigious person later on today.  I need to remember sitting here typing to y’all with my loving skunk-smelling dog laying under my chair.  Keeps me humble.

What absurdity can you find about your life today that will at least get you to shaking your head if not germinating a giggle?

Snoopy as the vulture

This weekend a good friend  relayed stories to me about her days as a sales rep for a very exclusive line of shoes.  She loved that job. Had a blast at it and made great money. But it wasn’t always beer and skittles for her (as my mom likes to say).  My friend told me that the first six months rep’ing   for one particular line of shoes, she did not make ONE sale. Not one. And she busted her sweet derriere researching who the “buyers” were at various stores, getting the correct spelling and address for their names, writing them short sweet letters introducing herself and then following up with them the next week with an in-store visit.  She wooed and wooed and wooed. For one particular very high-end retailer, she even offered to work for free during their high-traffic sales weekend.  She even worked for them for free twice!  And finally, after six months all of her hard efforts paid off.  She got a call from the buyer telling her that they wanted to buy her shoes. My friend was very happy but the buyer continued on and said, “oh I don’t think you understand, they want to buy your shoes in several sizes and in every color you have available”.  My friend’s sale was the biggest sale that the company she was working for had ever made.  She found out a bit later that her company was actually considering firing her because she had not made a sale in six months.

I know my friend and I know that whatever job/career she gets into she puts every single molecule of her being into what she is doing.  She investigates, researches, takes action, takes action, takes action, learns from her mistakes, recalibrates and continues forward. She is a winner.  I trust the investment of  her time and effort because history has proven that it will pay off big dividends in the end.

She reminds me a whole lot of me (of course we are both Aries!!) because when we want something we are persistent and tenacious as hell.  We also believe in the excellence of our performance no matter what we are doing.  Have we both had to reckon with the demons of workaholism?  You betcha and we still believe it is important to always do your very best.  Because of how we are, we also recognize excellence in others and make it a point to let those people know when we can.  People in the service industry especially stand out.  I’m a Starbuck’s aholic and frequent several of the SB’s in and around where I live.  I love so many of the baristas because they are all individuals, professional, polite and kind along with a little sprinkle of their own personalities mixed in.  A culture that creates individuals who thrive working in it like that is bound for success.  No matter who you are or what you do for a living, other people are watching you and making notes in their heads, albeit unconsciously sometimes.  You can make a difference just by being you and doing the best you can.

How has persistence worked for you?

Persistence of the Snails!