I’ve been off caffeine for a couple of months now and as my friend Bob said, “it feels like your insides are all spongy” (when you’re caffeine free). He and I are both part of a group that one of the requirements is to be caffeine free and both of us LOVE the high from caffeine. I met my friend Bosco (congrats on your wedding by the way!) when he was one of my favorite baristas working part time til his full time upgrade at his “real” job came through (which it did!). I’m kind of like that “Norm” character from the Cheers at at least a few of the Starbuck’s around town. They definitely know me and my car….

A little while ago, I wrote about getting off of caffeine but now that I’m a couple of month’s down the road, I thought I’d check in and report on where I am now. It’s a pretty nice feeling to feel even. Just even keel. One way I realized that my body felt with caffeine was as if I had tiny crystals coursing through my veins. I do have to make sure that I get a good night’s sleep, otherwise the lure of caffeine is really hard to fend off. It’s one of our culture’s legal drugs. I’m realizing now that I feel like I have more focused energy than I ever did on caffeine.

One thing I worry about though is I don’t feel like I’m as funny as I used to be. Does caffeine make you funny? I did feel like dancing this morning while listening to a good song on the way to a meeting, so that’s good. Then there’s the meme out there that says that you aren’t as alert when you’re not caffeinated. There is almost an implication that your brain will not work as well with recall if you’re not caffeinated. I believed that. But that belief system is skating dangerously close to that of a someone who believes that a recreational drug like, say, speed, will make you more focused so that you can do more things. Truly, I know people who believe that. I used to believe that. Had a pretty clean house to, but a very messed up life.

Anyway, I still do drink my decaf coffees and teas, but nothing with full on caffeine. This is a new thing for me to hover close to the present with nothing between me and the experience of life but myself. Sometimes I still wonder what it would be like to be a “normal” person who can drink or eat or smoke or have caffeine but then I can recall any number of times when I have taken any one of those choices to the enth degree and remember that I’m far from normal which is a good thing.

For me being caffeine-free is just another layer of accepting who I am and who I am not and trusting that something great than myself will get my brain rolling when I need it to flare up. At least tonight I know that I am going to have one heckuva good night’s sleep!